One of my worries before having our third child was how to help the kids adjust to a new baby.
Our first two kids are only 22 months apart so the adjustment wasn’t to hard from 1 to 2 kids. But this time around our kids were 3 and 5, which had me worried.
I worried about a lot of things including how they would react to having a new baby, how to help them adjust and still feel loved and you know like a hundred other things.
Now that our newest little one is almost 3 months old I have learned a few things that have really made a big difference in helping our kids adjust and be excited about having a new baby.
How to Help Kids Adjust to a New Baby
Not all of these tips will work for every child or every family but these are some of the things we have done that have helped our kids adjust to a new baby.
Get Them Excited about the Baby
In the weeks and months before the baby was born, we tried to involve the kids in getting ready and excited for the baby.
We let them help pick out baby outfits and set up the baby stuff. We talked to them about all the fun things they could do with the baby once he was born and we involved them in pregnancy photos.
Honestly taking weekly pregnancy photos as a family was one of my favorite things about this last pregnancy. It’s something I wish I would have started doing with my first pregnancy.
Make One on One Time a Priority
Making one on one time a priority is always important, but even more important when a big change happens.
One on one time with each child doesn’t have to be anything big it can be as simple as only taking one child with you grocery shopping, reading a book together, or letting one child stay up a few minutes late.
Our kids have loved getting one on one time with us in various ways. Sometimes it’s even when the whole family is still together but we take turns playing a game just mom or dad and one child, while the other parent does stuff with everyone else.
We have also gotten back into the habit of having each child help make dinner once a week. They get to pick the meal and then help prepare it. It’s fun one on one time and helping them learn some life skills.
Let them Help…and Make it Fun
Feeling needed and being able to help is a big deal for kids. So let them help.
It can be hard sometimes to let kids help since they probably won’t do as good of a job as you and they will probably do it differently. But letting them help makes them feel special and needed.
Be sure to let the kids help with baby things as well as things around the house.
My kids love helping vacuum and they are continually getting better at it but often they miss a spot or two. And while I have been tempted to finish the vacuuming for them, that look of pride when they do it all themselves is worth having a few missed spots.
Make it Fun
Not only is it a great idea to let the kids help but make helping fun. Then they will continue wanting to do it.
A few ways we make helping fun are seeing how quickly they can do something, like get a new diaper; turning on some fun music and dancing around while we clean; or having them try to get the baby to laugh or smile so I can hurry and get something done.
There are countless ways to let the kids help and have fun doing it, so get creative and enjoy having some cute little helpers.
Compliment and Praise Frequently
Just as it’s important for kids to feel needed it’s also important for them to know that they are doing a good job.
I try to remember to compliment and praise my kids often throughout the day. Telling them they are doing a good job, are a great big brother/sister, such a good helper, a hard worker, etc. is a great way to let them know you appreciate them and that they are doing a good job.
Compliments and praise for activities and behavior can help kids continue to do those things. Because let’s be honest who doesn’t like being told they are doing a good job?
Have a Surprise or Two
During the first few weeks of having a new baby when sleep is in low supply and baby needs a lot of attention, I like having a few surprises for the kids.
Surprises can be anything from a fun treat to a new activity. I personally like to get things that keep the kids entertained when I need to be taking care of the baby.
One of the fun surprises our daughter has been loving is her beluga baby doll wrap. It matches the wrap I use to carry her baby brother and she loves using it to carry her puppy and other stuffed toys.
The wrap is so soft and perfect for making your little one feel special and just like mama.
Let the Small Stuff Go
Having a new baby is a big adjustment for the whole family so don’t be surprised when the kids have moments where they act out.
From watching my kids as they adjust usually when they act out it’s because they haven’t been getting enough attention.
So when they start acting out I try to take a deep breath and let the small stuff go. Instead of getting upset if I can take a few minutes for some one on one time with the child that needs it, they usually stop acting out.
I’m totally not perfect at doing this, but when I keep my cool we all seem to do better.
While I do correct the kid’s behavior when they act out, I try to let the little things go and focus on the reason they may be having the little outbursts.
Talk to Your Kids
Spend time talking to your kids, it’s a great way to find out how they are doing and build a relationship with them.
These conversations don’t have to be anything preplanned or big. Just talk to them naturally throughout the day. Ask them about their day, what they like, and more.
Ask Them for Advice
We all know how good it feels when someone asks us what we think about something, this is especially true for kids. So ask them for advice.
Ask them for advice about what a fun activity to do would be, what should be made for dinner or what the baby should wear.
While asking these questions and seeking their advice may seem simple, it’s not a simple thing to your kids. Being able to give you advice makes your kids feel special and lets them feel like an important part of your family.
Remind Them How Much They Are Loved
No matter how well the kids adjust to a new baby it’s important for them to know how much they are loved.
While a new baby can take a lot of time and attention away from the other kids, don’t let them worry that it’s taking your love away from them.
Make sure to tell the kids how much they are loved and also show them.
Have Realistic Expectations
I feel like I often have unrealistic expectations for my kids and it’s something I’m continually working on.
I often need to be reminded that my kids are young and shouldn’t be expected to act like adults. They act like kids and that’s a good thing. They are so loving, kind, and forgiving.
One of the big things I have learned about having realistic expectations is that if I’m expecting my kids to behave in an unrealistic way then I’m usually more likely to get frustrated and angry.
By keeping my expectations realistic I’m able to stay calmer and be a better mom.
Final Thoughts
There are a lot of ways that you can help kids adjust to a new baby and I hope some of these things I have learned will help your family as you welcome a new little one into your home.
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